chris erdman

Toward the Sixth Stage of Spiritual Growth: Abiding in Love

Continued from a previous series of posts on the stages of spiritual growth . . .

Most people tend to think of a goal, even a spiritual goal as an ascent from a lower level to a higher one, as if one is climbing a ladder or a mountain. There are biblical precedents for this. Jacob dreamed of a ladder between heaven and earth. Moses climbed Mt. Sinai to meet with God. So did Elijah. Jesus climbed Mt. Tabor with his disciples and at the top was revealed as the supreme Lord in shimmering glory while all below was shrouded in mist.

Chances are, you too have considered these stages of spiritual growth as steps on a journey into heightened intimacy with the Divine. You may be trying to climb the steps upward, exerting yourself spiritually in an effort to find the fullness of God. On the other hand, you may not be trying at all because it sounds like too much work or your resist what appears to be some kind of spiritual elitism.

Working hard as you climb the mountain or avoiding it altogether: these are twin perils as you advance in the spiritual life.

To be continued . . .

Continued from a previous series of posts on the stages of spiritual growth . . .

In Stage Five, you are now moved by the Spirit outward again in love, a love that compels you into an experience of abundance you’ve not know up to this point. In the past, it was mostly your head that directed you–”shoulds” and “oughts” kept you moving forward, caring for others, keeping your practices. But now, in Stage Five, your heart directs you, and your head serves your heart of love. There is, as Jesus promised, a “stream of living water welling up inside you” (John 7.38).

In this stage, spiritual guidance is necessary to help you discern what this Power within your is impelling you to be and do. You sense God’s greater purpose for you, but what exactly that means may not be clear to you.

You will still suffer in this stage as much (or even more) that you did before. But now you draw strength from the unfathomable resources of the Spirit, and from your real experience of ongoing union with Christ. You may even sense an “unceasing prayer” (1 Thessalonians 5.17) beginning to form in your heart–an expression of communion with the Trinity that flows within you without your effort.

Lastly, you may find yourself struggling with a nagging frustration despite the presence of God’s love in your heart. Your love for God and others, combined with your commitment to God’s righteousness and justice, may lead you to do things that are perceived as odd, dangerous, and sometimes counter to the mainstream of the society around you. In addition, you may be disinterested in things that interest most other people, and your passions and interests will probably not be shared by most of those around you. This can lead to a sense of loneliness and isolation even in the midst of a strong community.

In this stage, you will need to seek out others who are emerging from Stage Four and the Wall, people who share your experiences and who can serve as companions as you journey deeper into the fullness of Christ.

To be continued . . .

Continued from a previous series of posts on the stages of spiritual growth . . .

The fifth of the six stages that characterize our spiritual growth as Christians is marked by a new turn outward toward others and the creation. In this stage, your life expresses an integration of your growth so far, a deep rootedness in your intimacy with God through the Spirit.

In the previous stage, Stage Four, you turned inward after years of active and outward service and leadership (Stage Three). You were seeking more of God than you’d known before–a real experience of encounter with God that neither doctrine nor evangelical service could give you. Doctrine and service were vitally important for your journey, but there came a point when crisis or spiritual hunger made you deeply aware of an emptiness within that nothing but God could satisfy.

Your turn inward–toward more of Christ–was no easy path. Once determined to seek Christ above all things, you collided with “the Wall” of your sin and self will; you came face to face with a deep, inner resistance to God. But if you participated in this experience as a gift of God’s severe mercy; if you deepened your spiritual practices of intimacy with God through prayer and meditation (or contemplation); and if you partnered with a spiritual director or guide who helped you face your sin, confront your demons, and who held you in Christ; then you emerged into a new dawning in your Christian experience. Stage Five is this dawning–it is your emergence into a morning bright with the light of Christ.

To be continued . . .

Below is an email exchange with a reader. He’s given permission to post these notes. I thought it would be helpful for you to hear about another reader’s journey into the prayer of the heart . . .

Dear Chris;

I write to say “thank you” for the encouragement I have received from your honest reflections in the downloadable eBook Returning to the Center. I sincerely hope that part 2 is available before too long. Is the entire book available anywhere? I have, so far, been unsuccessful in my web-searches I arrived at your website, and the above eBook, after reading comments about you and your work in Alan Roxburgh’s book Missional Map-Making and found that your writing spoke directly to the kind of journey I seem to be making at present. It is a journey into prayer of the heart – and I am experiencing all the many distractions, of which you speak.

Kind Regards

Peter

Dear Peter;

Thank you for your thoughtful note. Alas, part two is on hold for quite awhile. I’m working on another book on prayer now. Part two of my memoir requires some maturing before I can write honestly about the years since the first part ended. It’ll be out someday, but not soon enough for you. My advice is to simply practice the Jesus Prayer. That sounds so terribly unhelpful, I realize. There are several books that you might find helpful. Here’s a little list: Prayer in the Cave of the Heart, Cyprian Consiglio; Word Into Silence, John Main; The Cloud of Unknowing with the Book of Privy Counsel, a new translation by Carmen Aceveo Butcher (soooo excellent!); John Main: The Expanding Vision, ed. by Laurence Freeman and Stefan Reynolds, Prayer, Abhishiktananda.

The key is to simply practice what you know. Too many of us spend too much time reading and casting around for help when the help is as near as the beating of our hearts, close as our next breath. The ego doesn’t want to admit that though and will keep disturbing you. Your chief work is to simply learn to step around the ego through contemplative practice. It’ll learn to relax and “stand down” eventually. But it must learn, first that your serious and second, that stepping around it (the ego) isn’t about its destruction, but its salvation. The recitation of the Name, along with the breath, will bath your ego in love and over the long haul it’ll learn to trust that it doesn’t always have to be in charge [smile].

Blessings your life and ministry, brother.

Chris

Dear Chris;

I have simply devoured your eBook. In my imagination, and feeling similarly spread rather too thinly like butter over toast (wonderful metaphor!), I accompanied you to the Wadi Natroun, to Iona, and finally Oxford; each places of great significance and interest to me. I have not yet read Merton, though I am aware of him through other writers. I am learning from your journey that the spiritual journey is a shared one, even though the physical one may never be a reality for me. You reiterated in your email that the key was realizing that the answers were as close as “the beating of our hearts, close as our next breath.” And you are so right about the ego, with its clamouring voices, as one intentionally sets about cultivating contemplative practices. This is precisely my experience too.

Regards, and God bless you.

Peter

Continued from a previous series of posts on the stages of spiritual growth . . .

Find a quiet place. Sit still. Back straight. Begin by greeting the Light, the Beloved. Follow your easy breath, in and out. Survey your whole body, beginning with the toes and ending with the nose. Release all tension. Sink into the Presence of God. Gently breathe, giving your thoughts the freedom to come and go. Like snowflakes, you may notice them but you mustn’t hold them. Simply let them fall.

Letting them fall won’t be easy. Your mind will parade many things in front of you. To-do lists, problems you’re dealing with, dreams you have for yourself will lure your attention away from God. The barking dog next door will annoy you. Memories from long ago will entertain you. Ugly things too will crowd in upon you—lusts, fears, ambitions. Don’t fight them, judge them, or follow them. Just watch them and become aware that you’re aware of them. This awareness is the key. When you’re aware, you’re present—to God and to your self before God.

This is pure prayer.  Resting.  Waiting.  Being.

To be continued . . .

Continued from previous posts . . .

As part of this current series of posts about the stages of spiritual growth, I wrote most recently about the experience called “The Wall.” At the Wall, you have to face what’s standing in the way between you and God—and that’s never easy. “It’s your spiritual practice,” I wrote, “especially interior prayer, meditation, and contemplation that will see you through to the new you that awaits you on the other side.”  In the next few posts, I’ll open up to you a simple way to practice interior prayer.

The method of prayer I’ll teach you is very, very old. Old as St. Paul who taught us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5.12). Old as Jesus who taught us that the “Kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17.21), and that when we pray we’re not to go on babbling as so many religious people do, but are instead to enter the closet of our hearts and commune simply with God (Matthew 6.6). A form of this kind of praying is quite possibly as old as Elijah and the prophets of Israel who knew that God’s voice was best heard in “the sound of sheer silence” (1 Kings 19.12).

The Prayer of the Heart (the Jesus Prayer, contemplative prayer, etc) is the most universal spiritual “technology” for achieving what all people seek: union with God. That it’s relatively unknown today doesn’t mean it’s strange or esoteric. Nor is it only for monks and mystics. The monks and mystics all agree that it’s the most beneficial and easily practiced form of prayer available to the most active of people. For millennia housewives and blacksmiths, kings and farmers have practiced the Prayer of the Heart, nourishing a vital spiritual life, cultivating virtue, and living humble lives of love and grace, compassion and courage—bringing hope and wholeness to our often fragile and wounded, yet beautiful world.

In the posts that follow I’ll offer you a little guide to this ancient and durable practice that’s making a come back in our day—and not a moment too soon, for the state of our world sorely needs the kind of women and men who are shaped by it.

To be continued . . .

About the practice of Lectio Divina (divine or spiritual reading), author and blogger, Tony Jones, says:

I discovered lectio divina many years ago, during a very spiritually dry time in my life. In the time since, I have practiced lectio innumerable times, and it’s become a core aspect of my spirituality. Maybe even more importantly, it’s given me a renewed sense of love and appreciation for the Bible (and that’s saying something).

I could say much the same.  (And here’s a sample from my own blog)

For more, and for links to his books click here.  Tony’s book(s) are a good guide to this practice, especially for Protestants new to the practice.

Continued from previous posts:

So, when you come to the Wall, you will need to cooperate with the crisis as a gift of grace, as painful as it may be, as demonic as it may seem. For behind it (while not necessarily orchestrating it) is the Hand of God, guiding you to a new awakening to your life in Christ.

Again, as in Stage Four (in fact, all the higher or deeper stages), you will need guidance, spiritual direction from a competent friend, counselor, or pastor—someone who’s not threatened by your questions and frustrations, who won’t try to fix you, but who knows there’s a mystery at work within you and who can hold you in faith as you journey forward past your fears into the newness of God. But here at the Wall, it’s your spiritual practices, especially interior prayer, meditation, and contemplation that will see you through to the new you that awaits you on the other side.

When you emerge from this confrontation stripped down, leaner, cleaner, and more open to love—and if you have found a way to release your need for control and to play God—you will be able to say: “What I thought, I needed I don’t really need. What I was sure I couldn’t live without, I can live without. With God alone I am content.” You will be able to say with Jesus, “Lord, not my will but yours be done” (Luke 22.42), and with Mary, “Let it be with me according to your word” (Luke 1.38). This is true spiritual freedom and readies you for the new outward engagement with mission and ministry that is Stage Five.

Facing the Wall doesn’t mean that you’re now free from the impediments and distractions, the temptations and seductions that hinder your relationship with God. But it does mean that you now know how to face them when they come.

to be continued . . .

Continued from previous posts

At some point, usually initiated by a personal crisis or some other challenge, you will be brought face to face with a confrontation between your will and God’s. Some have called this experience, “The Wall” (see Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich in their book, The Critical Journey).

In this confrontation, a subtle idolatry is exposed—an idolatry you’ve been able to cover up until now, that’s remained hidden from your eyes, thought you’ve been bumping into it for quite some time. The idolatry is this: you want God so long as you can have God on your terms, so long as you really don’t have to change in the deep places of your life, so long as you ultimately remain in control. This is, in St Paul’s words, “Having a form of godliness but denying its power” (2 Timothy 3.5). It is the avoidance of the Cross of Christ. You can believe in all the Cross teaches about sin and salvation, but mere belief isn’t what the Cross is all about. The Cross aims at your salvation, your transformation, your death and resurrection spiritually. You must experience the Cross yourself.

When you hit the Wall spiritually, the Cross is no longer an idea or doctrine, something that happened to Jesus long ago. You are united with Christ in his death, and you—if you walk the way of the Cross—will be united with him in his resurrection. Here you release your ego, your false and fallen self, which has tried to play God for too long now. And if you do, you will awakened to a face of God that you’ve not known up to this point, a depth of intimacy you’ve only longed for.

to be continued . . .

Continued from previous posts

The fourth stage in the spiritual journey will carry you deeper into your heart. At Stage Four, you’re invited by the Holy Spirit to turn inward in order to awaken to the depth of interior intimacy with the Holy Trinity. This doesn’t mean you’ve not tasted God until now. But it does mean that your relationship is moving to a different level. At this stage, you’re discovering God all over again. I wrote extensively about this stage last month’s newsletter.

Stage Four, “Second Awakening,” is a deepening of your experience of the presence of God, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. As in any relationship, there are real challenges as the relationship matures. You are not yet who God’s destined you to be and God is different from what you once thought God to be.

This tension can cause disillusionment with God, church, and yourself.

Disillusionment with God doesn’t mean God is insufficient or the church is failing you; it means, rather, that you must change, and change doesn’t come easily because you are now coming face to face with the impediments that stand between you and the God who loves you.

In the posts that follow, I’ll describe an experience you will inevitably have at some point as you move through your “Second Awakening.”

to be continued . . .